It was 10pm when we reached home.I looked at Diya who sat on the couch and closed her eyes. Suddenly my mind drifted back to this morning's incident.

Morning incident at stadium.

I opened my eyes which felt awfully heavy. Opening my eyes I immediately shut them as an instant pain shot me making me wince in pain. After sometime I again opened my eyes as this time the pain was lesser, and tried to blink my eyes to clear my vision, that's when my eyes landed on Diya who was sitting beside me and looking at me with concern filled eyes.

“You woke up?” Diya asked as her eyes widened a little and she tried to help me to sit up. “Where are we?” I tried to ask her as I looked around the surroundings which felt new.

“In the stadium’s clinic” she said and I nodded. But wait. “ Clinic?” I asked her thinning my eyebrows

“ you don't remember? You passed out” she said and my eyes widened as her words sank in. No,no this can't happen.

What if the doctor tells her about my condition?.

What if they got to know about my panic and anxiety attack?.

What if they got to know that I am suffering from PTSD?.

She will surely hate me just like they did. She will surely envy me.

“Doctor ne kuch bola?” I asked, my voice a mere whisper. She looked at me, tears brimming in her eyes “I never knew Arya. That you were suffering from anxiety attacks, I never knew that you were suffering from PTSD. I am sorry,if I had known I would never take you here.” she said and closed my eyes and a teardrop left from my eye.

“It's not your fault. So stop crying” I said to her and wiped her tears and turned my head to other side not able to face her

“You know i heard your cry in the morning” she said and my head snapped at her and fear started to crawl in my heart.

“ Yo-you what?” I asked,my voice came out broken.

“ Sorry but when I was about to go outside then I realized I forgot my wallet so I came back inside. Then I heard you cry. Honestly I want you to open up to me, I want to hear what makes you this sad, I want to hear what is hurting you this bad.i want all of your sorrow” she said and tears gathered in my eyes.

Honestly, this girl always makes me speechless, I mean when we first met she made me realize that I can trust again too, and now she wants to hear my past.

Which is something I never want to talk about.

Actually I am not ready to face the same thing.

Yes, I am a coward, I am a fucking coward to face my past. That past which broke me and left me to bleed, to bleed until every drop of blood left me.

“Apno ne hi dhoka diya hai Diya. Apno ne hi Peet piche vaar Kiya hai Diya. Apno ne hi toda hai diya.i can't say everything now, because I am not ready to face it again. Agar mai bolne baithu na mujhe dar hai ki mujhe kuch ho jayega.” I said and she kept her hand on mine , offering support or maybe pitying me.

“It's okay if you don't want to talk about it now but remember me I am here just beside you. Whenever you feel like this is the right time just come to me.” She said squeezing my hand a little and i nodded my head at her

“Mujhe laga tum bhi mujhe chod dogi, tum bhi mujhse nafrat karoge” I said to her and her hold on my hand tightened.

“ No way Arya. Listen, I am no one to judge you. Because it's you who endured that difficult phase not me” she said and Somewhere her words felt peaceful to my wounded heart.

“Soon I will try to tell you everything means everything” I said to her and she nodded with tears in her eyes.

“The match” I asked, trying to change the topic , and she signed “ don't ever try to change the topic” she snapped and I hung my head down and nodded.

“I think it's over” she said and I looked at her. God, Avyansh asked me to see him playing,shit.

“Arya pagal ladki ho tum.” I said to myself.

“ Let's go and see the match” I said and tried to get down the bed but Diya held my hand.

“You need rest” she said,

“ No, I don't. I am perfectly fine” i assured her. She sighed at my stubbornness and we both left the clinic soon.

✧

Present

“ Go and sleep, don't look at me like that,” Diya said, opening her eyes. I nodded and went inside my room. I kept my things on the table and went inside the washroom to take a bath.

I removed Avyansh's hoodie which was tied on my waist and suddenly there was an urge in me to smell it and oh my god. It smells so good. Like seriously, he uses something which smells like bubblegum. I couldn't stop myself and I again sniffed it and shit. It feels like I am losing my senses.

This man is really something. When I first met him, my heart, which always feels heavy with pain, literally fluttered for the first time. I don't know why. And his blue eyes. God I love them, his blue eyes are so deep just like the pacific ocean they always hold different emotions when he looks at me. And today I told him that nobody ever gets me flowers. That's true .

My father used to get me on every Christmas and Easter but as years went on he stopped. I don't know why, maybe because he is busy with his new business.

It would be a lie if I said it didn't hurt me. It did. But I didn't show it. I am a girl who gets happy easily on seeing the little things. Even after being a billionaire's daughter, grandfather and niece. I still wasn't able to fit in that lifestyle.

I have always hated extra attention, limelight and that high class behavior and for that my relatives always hated me for being low class even after having a billionaire dad. It never bothered me but sometimes it did, that too deeply.

Isn't it my choice to live what I like, how I like?

But for them it's a no.

They always wanted me to act like their puppet just like they did it with my mother. My mother does not have another choice but to listen to them and they want me to do the same. But I don't and I will never obey them.

I have the same blood as them and I will show them how it feels when you look down on someone. I will make sure they will pay for what they did to my mother.

I always saw my mother crying at midnight due to them and their behavior. And after my grandfather's death their taunts increased.

My mother was a fully educated woman, who was a step back from becoming a doctor but stopped hearing about her marriage with my father. My father and my mother were cousins. Like my dadi is my mother's bua and my dadi and nanu are brother and sisters.

Cousin marriages are Normal in south india. They don't know the consequences behind these marriages, they just see one thing that is “agar shaadi Ghar Mai hogi toh meri beti aankhon ki samne rahe gi” but they don't know that there are some people who always taunt us for nothing.

And I know that now they want me to marry my cousin but i don't do it. Because it's my life and I have all the rights to live as I like and I never let them control me. Just like they did with my mother.

{ Ok, let's stop that's for another day, and yes cousin marriages are real and the things i mentioned here are real life incidents, author}

I came out of my thoughts and I kept his shirt inside the laundry bag. I got freshen up and came out of the washroom and immediately fell on my bed. I took my phone from the side table and opened my phone's gallery and clicked on my favorite picture — my mumma, papa, me, my sister and brother along with my dadi.

We looked like a happy family which we were clearly not. A bitter smile formed on my face as I thought about how it all started and slowly I drifted into the sleep, tried from the roller coaster day.